Moments
by HerTormentedHeart
Summary: Sesshomaru just couldn't deal with the pain anymore, he couldn't believe that she was actually gone. Drinking only helped him feel numb. Was suicide the answer? One Shot


**Moments**

**Summary: ****Sesshomaru just couldn't deal with the pain anymore, he couldn't believe that she was actually gone. Drinking only helped him feel numb. Was suicide the answer?**

**A/N: PLEASE READ!**

**This has, character death, suicide, and drinking. Rated for suicide.**

**This is based off the song **_**Moments**_** by One Direction. If you don't know the song I suggest you check it out on YouTube or something, it's a really sad song!**

_**Lyrics**_

_Thoughts/Whispering._

Normal Dialogue

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters, nor do I own the song Moments by One Direction.**

He trudges down the hallway towards his apartment door with a lifeless look on his face. He didn't want to go home, not that night or any other night. Every time he opened that door, into his apartment, he would always be disappointed.

He reached his apartment door, and stopped staring at it with a somber look. Not wanting to open it, knowing he won't be greeted by his Kagome.

This happens to him every day after work. He would just stare at the door with a vacant look in his eyes. Hoping that it was all a dream, that Kagome will greet him like she always does. With her bright smile that made her eyes shine, or her warm welcoming hugs she would give, with a sweet loving kiss on the cheek.

And each night he would be disappointed.

Only to open the door and, to find nothing. Just a dark empty room.

He knew what he would find, each time he opened the door but he still held on to the hope that it was all just a horrible nightmare that the accident didn't happen, that Kagome survived.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, causing his long, slightly tangled, silver colored hair to flutter around him. Taking a deep breath he brought a shaky clawed hand up to the door knob he opened the door.

Nothing. Just like those other days. He can feel tears brimming, but he forces them down

The room is dark, he can see the faint silhouette of the furniture in the living room and kitchen. He expected to be greeted by the smell of his fiancé's home cooking, to walk into their home and be greeted by his lovely soon to be wife, with a hug and a kiss.

Slamming close the door he dragged himself to the kitchen and look into the fridge. He grabbed a half a bottle of vodka and a six pack; tonight he would try to drink his thoughts away.

He walked sluggishly towards the chair that was seated in front of a window and sat down. He glared at the happy couple that walked passed on the side walk. It wasn't fair. None of it was.

Taking off the cap of the bottle of vodka he swung his arm and took a gulp of it. He scrunched his face at the strong tasting, but that's why he bought it he wanted to feel numb afterwards, and that usually happens. He wasn't much of a drinker, never really like alcohol he knew that in no time his mind would be clouded.

His thoughts wondered to his Kagome. She was the light of his day. Just being in her presence caused warmth in the pit of his stomach. And now that she was gone he no longer felt that warmth. His grip around the bottle tightens, as he slowly brought it to his lips and drunk some more. His mind is scattered, jumping from thought to thought, never staying one thought for to long.

He hated the feeling of being weak, Kagome was his only weakness and now that she was gone he felt vulnerable.

She lied; Kagome promised him that she would be with him forever. She promised that she would always be by his side, that the only thing that could stop that would be death. But even in death, she promised that she would still be with him. A little cliché don't you think?

He took another hard swing of his vodka.

He just wants to feel her love again. He just wants to feel her soft porcelain skin pressed up against his ruff skin. Or the way she would make him shiver when she lovingly stroked his face, tracing some of his many scars he has on his body from the fights he was in, when he was a kid. Telling him that she loved every single one of them, that each one was unique in each way.

That's one of the reasons why he loves her; she would always see something that is ugly as something… unique. Just like his scars, he use to feel so insecure because of his ugly scars that scattered on his back and chest. He thinks of them of trophies, from street brawling in high school and middle school, but others think of them as ugly scars that some thug got from a knife fight. But not Kagome, Kagome was the only person in the world who understood him, the real him… and now she is gone.

He took another swing.

He sighed, and leaned back in his chair and stared out the window into the dark sky. He tried to stay strong, but how can a man stay strong when it was his fault his fiancé died.

That's why he drinks. He tries to hide from the ugly truth.

He can feel his heart beating faster on an abnormal scale. He can remeber the day of the crash so perfectly. It was his fault she died he was the one driving after all.

He blinked back tears again, as he sat up resting his elbows and stared at his trembling hands, before putting them to his face. Dropping the bottle of alcohol, it made a loud crash on the floor as the glass broke.

His breathing came out shallow.

His chest began to rise and fall faster.

Just trying not to cry makes this so much harder on him. He kept this feeling of regret locked up inside him for so long, that he just let go he felt as the tears slowly streamed down his face. His lips quiver as he tried to catch his breath. Only getting in shallow breaths.

In his state of weakness he started thinking back to the good times he had with his little angel. He thought back to their first date. And let out a broken chuckle when he remembered how nervous he was back then. Which is different for him, he's usually bold and highly confident of himself and here he's crumbling to a petite 17 year old girl. Very different indeed. But it also did seem that he wasn't the only one nervous.

Kagome was just as nervous as he was, if not even more.

He remembered how beautiful she look in her modest, white dress that flowed to just below her knee's it seemed to make her skin glow. He could remember her small petite feet adored white flats, her long silk like raven hair that draped over her shoulder in a French Braid. And how her eyes shined brightly, when she saw him giving him one of her most brilliant smiles. That made his heart swell.

That was one of his best nights of his life.

He still does love her, you know? With all his heart and soul, he loves her.

Quickly wiping his tears off his face, as if he was burned with acid, he leaned back in his chair and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. His breathing came out slow and ragged, trying to recover from his earlier actions.

He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, to try and clear his thoughts, but with all that alcohol he consumed his mind seemed to be fogged. A lone tear trickle down his face, but he quickly brought up a pale hand up to his face and swipe the tear away. He choked back a sob in an attempt to stop crying.

Suddenly he shot out of his seat, knocking the chair over in the process. He wobbled a little bit from side to side to catch his balance. He needed to get out, to get out of this room he needed to go somewhere. He started to walk towards the door, but not before grabbing the keys to his motorcycle and his six pack.

Walking down the hall, he held onto the wall in order to keep himself from falling. Upon reaching the elevator, and waiting for the elevator to arrive he stepped in. He went to press the bottom to the parking lot but decided against it, instead he pressed the button to the top floor of the apartment building. Watching as the elevator close with a ding, he sunk to the floor, dropped the six pack beside him, and covered his face in his hands.

His mind is fogged and he can't think straight, everything was just so blurry.

_Ding!_

He uncovered his face and looked up to see that he arrived to the top floor. Grabbing six pack he stood up, using the wall as support.

He sluggishly walked out of the elevator and toward the emergency exit stairway. He opened the door to the stairwell and slowly walked up the flight of stairs towards the roof, holding onto the railing for support. When he reached the top of the stairs he opened a can of beer, he chugged it down, brushing the back of his hand against his lips to clean any leftover liquid he might have on his lips, he crushed the aluminum can before carelessly throwing it.

He opened the door and stepped on to the roof only to trip on some wires that lay on the roof, landing on his knees with his hands on the ground, keeping his upper body from touching the ground. Dropping his now forgotten pack of beer.

He tried to catch his breath, climbing the stairs really did take some energy out of him. More tears began to trickle down his face, he didn't know why he was crying now, but he was and he didn't try to stop.

He was angry, angry at Kagome for leaving him, angry at the doctors who couldn't save her. Angry, at the gods when they decided to take away his precious angel. He was just so angry that he felt the sudden urge to destroy something, he need to just hit something to take his anger out on something.

He began to take deep breaths, slowly closing curling his fingers into fist around the tiny rocks that covered the roof until he had a fist full. His breathing became more labored as he felt rage began to build up. All he had to do was let go for a little while that way he could relieve all this stress and guilt by pounding stuff in. And so he just exploded.

Throwing tiny rocks everywhere, kicking and punching the metal boxes on the roof, successfully making dents, and when he got bored with that he started to pound the brick walls making his knuckles bleed. He cried out in pure rage, cursing the gods, the doctors, and even himself for the lost of his beloved.

He couldn't feel the pain, he couldn't feel his bloody knuckles, or his pounding feet. He just couldn't feel at all he just felt numb.

He just kept pounding and pounding, kicking and punching… until he just stopped. Frozen in place, he slowly brought his hands up to his face, his face twisted in pure horror when he realized what he did in his moment of rage.

He slumped down onto the stony roof, resting his back against one of the many dented metal boxes that was close to the edge of the roof. He continued to stare mindlessly at his hands. He felt… disgusted with himself, weak for letting his emotions to take control over him, to make him destroy things so carelessly. Kagome would feel disappointed. He still felt dizzy from consuming all that alcohol. Bringing his shaky hands to his face he ran his claws through his tangled, silver hair. He began to cry for the fifth time that night.

He wishes she was there right then and now. She would know what to do in a time like this. Kagome would have consoled him, told him it was okay. That she was there now, and she wasn't going away. Ever.

If only he could go back to the very day of the crash, and taken the longer route, then maybe the tractor trailer would've never hit them in the first place, maybe if he was a safer driver, and went the speed limit then maybe she would be there to comfort him in his time of need.

He stood up and started pacing, a little awkwardly since he kept stumbling because he is drunk after all. He was still running his clawed hand through his hair, and his other hand stroking his chin as he was in deep thought. Losing his footing every once in a while.

If he would've slowed down at that turn, then he would've never had a full head-on collision with a tractor trailer. Then his little angel would still be alive and not buried in a freaking cemetery. He clenched his fists at his side as he felt rage build up again.

He took the palm of his hand and started hitting himself in the head. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _He chanted in his head. He stopped, realizing he was hurting himself. He sneered, he was slowly degrading himself, now he's even harming himself.

He has to keep calm, he can't lose his cool and go Rampage Jackson on everything he sees.

He brought his hands to his temples as he gently massages them. _Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts… _he silently chanted himself. All the while he continued to pace on the roof in his drunken state.

He remembered when they were kids, and they use to play games on the street in their neighbor, although it did give their family a fright when they did that. Or the time when they would play backyard soccer with all the other neighborhood children.

He chuckled dryly as he remembered when he use to tease Kagome when they were younger calling her a boy and laughing at her, all because she had short hair, she later admitted that's why she grew her hair out, so she looked more like a girl that a boy. Gosh he use to love to torment her when they were younger. She use to hate his guts back in grade school, but starting junior high, he was determined to change that. And he did they became friends, and later started dating all the way up till the end of collage. He proposed on their 4 year anniversary. To which she practically jumped on him showering him with kisses the entire time saying yes.

And then just three months later, they were in a car crash, the driver in the tractor trailer died on impact and Kagome had been severely injured and taken to the hospital, where she died three days later. The only reason why he wasn't dead was of his demon blood.

He let a few more tears escape, before asking himself. _Why did I survive?_

Without even noticing it, his feet seem to automatically move to the edge of the building. He leaned backwards slightly to catch his balance. It would be so easy to just jump, to end it all. To end his everyday suffering of being apart from his beloved Kagome. To end this guilt he continued to feel.

He put his hands in his pocket, and felt something in it. He grabbed it and, pulled it out. Only to start crying when he saw what it was.

It was tattered picture of him and Kagome, on one of their dates, his arm was wrapped around her slim shoulders and her arm was wrapped his waist. He smiled sadly to himself, he would end it all, only because he knew he would be reunited with his Kagome. He closed his eyes tightly, and took his step off the roof, he fell to his death._  
_

When he woke up he was the first thing he noticed was how bright it was. He squinted his eyes and brought his hand to his shield his face from the bright light. When he got use to the light he turned around looking everything that he could. His eyes winded when he spotted a lone figure with flowing raven colored hair, in a virgin white dress, sitting down next to a waterfall plucking petals off a red rose, all the while humming.

He didn't blink, afraid that if he did she would disappear. He knew who it was, he knew his little angel anywhere.

"_K-Kagome" _he said just loud enough for her to hear him. He watched as she tensed slightly before turning around facing him, giving out a soft gasp.

Her wide blues eyes stared up at him in disbelief, before she broke out in a breathless smile.

_"Sesshomaru…" _she breathed.

**A/N: I know suckish ending…. I sorry D': and yes Sesshomaru did die and end up in heaven where he was reunited his beloved, angel Kagome so it's a bitter sweet ending! **


End file.
